thetinydiner's blog

23 Nov

Utility of Utensils

spoon!

 

Where has the Tiny Diner been since his last post, you might ask?

Well, I have been doing some research. It seems that while many people use their hands to eat, many people have alternate means for delivering food to their mouths. 

I have been spending the last few weeks trying out a few of these methods.

I don't have a strong handle on chopsticks, although they are great for poking things. 

Spoons and forks have some potential, though. Spoons allow me to get my food in a wide area around my mouth.

Forks seem more targeted, but getting the food on the fork is a tricky business. Forks seem ill-suited for some foods such as peanuts, and ice cubes, although I am still experimenting with this.

06 Nov

Eating Disorder?

Sharing

 

 

I have an occasional dining companion. Let's call him "Phil".

I enjoy eating with him since he doesn't interrupt my enjoyment of my food with useless chatter.  He also has a placid stare that I find calming. The Chef could take some pointers from him.

Phil is a bit of a puny fellow, and I think I now know why. I have tried to share some of my prime morsels with Phil, but he refuses to eat! You should see the delicious items I have pressed to his lips. Regardless of what it is, Phil refuses to budge.

At first I thought it was some form of etiquette I wasn't familar with (after all, I am largely ignorant of many aspects of table manners.) But now I am not sure.

Dear readers, do you think an intervention is called for?

29 Oct

Ennui

Again?

 

 

 

Eggs, again?

I find that I am in a bit of a food rut. Everyday it is the same things over and over again: yogurt, blueberries, string cheese, eggs, etc. Except for a taste of horseradish my parents gave me with some steak, I feel as though my tastebuds are stagnating.

I even ate salad the other day out of sheer desperation. 

Please send food suggestions to The Chef by replying to this post. 

 

08 Oct

Molecular Gastronomy for Toddlers

 

Have you seen these things? They are called Fruit and Veggie Melts, and I am pretty certain they meet the criteria for "gourmet food." 

There are a number of reasons why I can tell the melts are fancy. First off, these melts are small. Everyone knows that places that serve great food serve small portions. And these are definitely small. The serving size is 4 pieces. (I can eat around 10 portions in about 10 minutes, left to my own devices.)

It is also quite trendy in the gourmet food scene to make one kind of food taste like another kind of food. They taste like raspberries but their first ingredient is butternut squash!

Finally, the texture is unlike any other food I have ever encountered. Novel texture is important to foodies. These melts are a sort of  "dried foam."  I have heard foams are big with molecular gastronomists. 

27 Sep

Generous? Moi?

Taste This For Me, Will You?

 

 

It has come to my attention that I have been getting undeserved credit for generosity.

The Chef and other members of my staff seem charmed when I hand them a portion of what I am eating. They seem to be under the misapprehension that I am sharing. While I appreciate the adoration and praise that attends this behavior, I feel I should clear up this misunderstanding of my actions.

While I might offer you a piece of my cookie or a sip of my milk, my intentions are not pure. And as I search your face after you nibble on whatever I have just given you, I am not looking for signs of delight or gratitude. I have but one aim: to determine if I should eat or should continue to eat whatever I have just given you.

In short, you are acting as my food taster. I am looking for signs that you are weakening or appear ill. This would cause me to stop eating my cookie, carrot, or other food item. I am equally interested to see if you make other faces that might lead me to believe that the food you have given to me is "yucky."  Thank you for providing this invaluable service.

 

 

10 Sep

Purée Delight

 

Since I am now a year old, and I have 8 teeth, one might think I was done with purées forever. Indeed I rarely eat something with little texture as my main meal.

But I still have some interest in what I will call a "slurry snack." Sometimes I just want to eat as much as possible and get on with my day. More and more, The Chef has been giving me "off-the-shelf" purées for just these occasions. Of these, my favorites are Ella's Kitchen purées. They have interesting ingredients like parsnips, rutabaga, and raisins. Also, I am a fan of the packaging, and can pass a lot of  pleasant time trying to get the cap off of a tube.

I don't think I am alone in keeping a few purées in my diet. I am told that people with even more than 8 teeth eat things like "apple sauce" and "vichyssoise."

The Chef did come up with some great combinations in the days when purées were a mainstay. Expect to see a retrospective of my favorites in a new recipe section coming soon.

08 Sep

Dethroned!

Dethroned!

 

What is going on? I thought that was my chair! I would like to get her out of there, but she seems kind of tall and imposing from down here. Also, it appears they give her "real" silverware. I am sure she could use that to defend her position.

30 Aug

Performance Art!

Art!

The Chef and I are having a little communication breakdown. She does not seem to understand that I am an artist. I have been performing this really deep performance piece now for three weeks, and she just isn't getting it (which is odd since I am told she went to a grad school that featured a lot of self-indulgent performance art.)

I start each piece in my high chair. This is symbolic of the "elevated" status that should be accorded to food in this country. I then start to eat my food, as I normally would during a mealtime.

When my audience seems lulled into complacency with my nice eating habits, I start the active phase of my performance.  One by one I throw the bits of food (and utensils, cups, etc.) over the side and onto the floor. This symbolizes how I am rejecting the cultural hegemony of our current forms of food production and consumption. 

Sometimes I throw to the right, sometimes to the left. I try to keep it spontaneous so the performance feels "fresh."

Somehow The Chef takes this personally. She doesn't understand that it isn't about the individual pieces of egg, cheese, or organic grapes that I let drop to the ground. It is about corn subsidies, monocultures, and genetically modified crops. I am pretty certain a more sophisticated audience would get my point.

 

26 Aug

Cake!

Cake

 

So I was given this great cake the other day. It was a cherry-vanilla cake with chocolate frosting. I was given the whole thing, accompanied by a song I can only assume was an amateur attempt at dinner theater.

Song aside, I was really excited until I realized no one was going to give me a fork.

I did my best to work with what I had. Frosting, which I haven't had much experience with, is surprisingly slippery. I couldn't really get good purchase on the cake, even when it was cut in half. 

I got a few good bites in. And I really "explored" the texture of the frosting. But, eventually, I gave up.

 

21 Aug

Kosher?

Piggies!

 

 

While I have given up my vegetarianism, I am told I still keep Kosher. I have yet to eat any shellfish, and I was pretty sure I hadn't had any pork either. But then it hit me! I chew on these things all the time! And The Chef always refers to them as my "piggies". In fact there is a whole story she told me about them which involves Roast Beef (which I have never sampled either.)