09 Jun

Raw Food

Marshmallow Roasting


I had a new al fresco dining experience the other night, and it came to my attention that I might be a follower of the raw food movement.

My colleague, Miss P--, normally a gentle individual by 4-year old standards, engaged in some extremely barbaric activity. She skewered a marshmallow and stuck in in the fire. As you can see, it was one of the most traumatic events I have ever witnessed.

I refuse to eat food prepared in this atrocious manner. I will only eat raw marshmallows. I have issued a formal request to The Chef that "we not do that again."

18 May

Food as Medicine

The Tiny Diner Eats an Ice Cream Cone


I didn't realize that food has medicinal properties. But now I wholeheartedly believe that food can cure pretty much everything. The Chef says I am sounding sounding a bit New Age, and maybe that's true. It is the New Age Of Ice Cream, the wonder food.

Right before this picture was taken, I took a bit of a tumble (check out my knee.) The pain was pretty much unbearable. I thought I would never walk again. And then, I was given this chocolate ice cream cone. My feeling of health and well-being was restored. My knee never bothered me again. 

Others may extol the virtues of kale, coconut oil, paleo diets, or purges. I am here to tell you that ice cream will solve it all.

10 Apr

Chopstick Mastery

Total Chopstick Domination



The Chef has totally been on my case lately to use my fork and spoon. She seems to think I can't use them properly yet. What she is failing to understand is that I am on strike from my fork and spoon until I am provided with a proper knife. I really can't do anything but use my fingers until such time that I am provided with an adequate cutting utensil.

So, imagine her surprise when I decided to use my chopsticks to eat this rice. I don't think she felt I went with a traditional approach to chopstick use, but I completely managed to get any number of bites into my mouth using my special Chopstick Mastery(patent pending) technique.

01 Mar

The $250 Popsicle

Eating a Popsicle


My parents took me to a very strange restaurant last night. I suppose they wanted to "re-educate" my palate. This past week I have been sampling some items they say are "not food." (I think this is due to a failure of imagination on their part. More on that in another post.)

Anyhow, the restaurant had pretty much zero ambiance. The seating was pretty comfortable, although they didn't seem to have any booster seats or high chairs. The waiters were all dressed in what I can only guess is some kind of alternative formal wear.

The featured dish must have been a rare delicacy, although it seemed pretty mundane to me. The Chef said it cost $250! It was purple, and I am told it was supposed to taste like grape.

03 Feb

The Art of Entertaining

Tea Party



Do you ever get the feeling that your guests aren't fully appreciating your efforts? (The Chef says she feels that way all the time.)

While I prefer to be served, occasionally I do entertain. My recent guest seemed to doze off. So I drank his tea and ate his bagel.

02 Jan

Tired Diner

Tired Diner



I have been meaning to post about more of my recent food experiences, but as you can see from this picture, I am suffering from extreme post-holiday fatigue.

Today I was snacking on the way back from my morning outing. I was in the middle of discussing some of the finer points of bouncy houses with my colleague (and backseat companion), Ms. M--. And I fell asleep mid-graham cracker. This is a first for me.

The Chef says that if I woke up after 5:30 AM, like "normal" people, this wouldn't happen. Apparently she doesn't enjoy the beauty of the sun rise as much as I do.

Happy new year,  dear readers. I hope you are all getting enough naps.

10 Dec

Winter Delicacy

Yummy Snow




If you haven't already sampled this wintery delight, I strongly recommend you try eating some snow.

What I like about snow is that distinctive crunch coupled with the accompanying sensation of cold. There are some subtle flavor differences depending on where the snow was harvested. My favorite comes from the front lawn, where I can detect the slightest hint of green grass, combined with an overtone of mulch. Snow also feels nice on my emergent molars.

While supply seems fairly plentiful to me, The Chef tells me that this is a seasonal offering, not available in all areas. So eat up now!

10 Nov

Meatball Pie

I will take a brief break from documenting my European exploits to share with you a great example of the culinary skepticism I receive in my own home.

03 Nov


While I have many more Parisian food experiences to share, I should start telling you about this other place I went: Barcelona. And I will begin with one of the biggest discoveries I made while there: some people eat after bedtime. Now, previous to this trip, I wouldn't have considered such a thing. But now I am a big fan.

While in Barcelona, I was able to go to an establishment I am told is called a "bar." Honestly, it looked a lot like another sort of place I am fairly accustomed to, the "café", with outdoor tables, space to run, lots of yummy things to eat, and drinks that the Chef won't let me have. There was just one main difference: IT WAS DARK.

I really relished the atmosphere and the food at the bar. I really liked running up and down the sidewalk in the dark. I also ate a great quantity of cheese, which I am told is called "Manchego." I have tried to get The Chef to provide some after-hours ambience and food service since we have returned home, but so far she has refused my requests.

16 Oct





While in Paris, I had the opportunity to sample some items that I am told are controversial.

My first taste of the forbidden came while sitting by the Seine with mes amis (and The Chef). We encountered a delightful food festival where a foie gras sandwich was procured for me. Now I don't know if any actual illegal transaction took place, and I deny all knowledge of where the sandwich actually came from. I only know that it was a very good sandwich.

(The Chef has informed me that I should not expect foie gras sandwiches to appear on my plate with any regularity. I was thinking it would make a nice change from tuna.)

Later that same day, I was offered what looked like a rather innocuous (and tasty) glass of milk. Little did I know that I was sampling that most illicit substance: raw milk. As I have not been "weaned", I drink raw milk of another sort all of the time. Perhaps I should be more furtive when enjoying unpasteurized beverages.