New House Rules

11 Mar

 

Broccoli

It has come to my attention that a lot of what I have been eating comes from animals! Are you aware that a lot of what you eat is also animal-related? I am guessing not since otherwise you would stop eating these things immediately!!!!

The Chef claims she brought this to my attention previously. The only explanations I can give are that:

a) She didn't explain that when she said "cow" she meant an actual cow. I think visual aids would have helped.

b) Her explanations were muffled by the sound of chewing chicken nuggets.

Anyhow, when I realized the enormity of my actions, I desisted immediately. As of March 10, 2015, I am an herbivore, not unlike the triceratops and ankylosaurs before me.

I have been trying to get everyone in my circle to conform to my viewpoint, but many of them are resisting the growling sounds I make when they eat meat or talk about eating meat. For example, my friend "G" mentioned the other day that he would like to "eat a Zebra tail." To this I responded, "I will kill you." He was unmoved.