Down with OPP

07 Jul

Stolen Asparagus












While The Chef has made me a wide variety of tasty foods. I think I can say with some confidence that the best food I have encountered recently is Other Peoples' Phood.* Whether it is fruit being eaten by my In-House Entertainer, chips or cookies being eaten by my older colleagues (a.k.a. cousins) , or anything at all on The Chef's dinner plate, I have learned that other peoples'  meals and snacks are highly likely to offer new taste adventures.

How do I go about acquiring such food? Dear Readers, for those of you who are my colleagues (i.e. born in the last year or so.) I recommend the following methods:

  • Make a high-pitched noise while gesturing towards the food. This is a great way to use your new pointing skills, while fine-tuning your ability to make action-inducing noises. You will find this combination of sound and pointing will work well in a number of venues, so it bears perfecting.
  • If this first method isn't immediately successful, move to a more susceptible member of your staff (perhaps a grandparent) and try again.
  • Just take it. Use your new-found manual dexterity to just snatch thefood off of a plate or counter. You can usually get it into your mouth before your staff can get to it. They are older and their reflexes are slow.

* The Chef notes that I might be a tad too young (in a number of ways) to make this particular pop culture reference (or any pop culture reference, really.) The "Phood" might also be a stretch. Oh well.




Regarding the high-pitched noise technique, could you comment on the following?

Apparently some restaurants are now seeking to eliminate children from their clientele because of adult complaints. Though I am loathe to bring politics to your table at such an early stage, you are, as perhaps American's most prominant sub-2 year-old food writer, uniquely qualified to weigh in.

Thank you and my apologies for ending the previous sentence with a preposition. It's early here.



Dear Reader, This is one of

Dear Reader,

This is one of several very interesting news stories that has come to my attention recently. Do I feel slighted that I might be banned from a restaurant due to age? Absolutely. On the other hand, I understand that many of my colleagues have "poor restaurant skills."  

I have also noticed that some adults have similarly underdeveloped skills. I would like to see the ban go much further. Loud cell phone talkers, people who talk with their mouth full (to the disgust of other diners) and those who engage in other disruptive behaviors should also be banned. But how to enforce this? Sadly the ban on kids is acceptable since we are easily identifiable. In short, we have been "profiled."