23 Jul



The nerve! Just when one has settled down for a quiet evening meal, those photographers show up with their flashes and their cameras! Can't a person eat in peace? 

Do I eat like this all of the time? Of course not! I am a very tidy diner! But every once in awhile a person needs to "commune" with food to really enjoy it, in this case I was getting familiar with the texture of some Smashed Lentils and a side of Raspberries.

I know I am fairly well-known, so it is clear I have abdicated some measure of privacy. However there are times when I don't really look my best. As you can see, my accusatory stare and finger-pointing at the offending photographer did nothing to stop her from shooting this picture of my private mealtime. Sigh.



Carry a flashlight

For pesky paps, what you do is carry a small maglight, and when you see a lens, shine the flashright right down it's evil little transparent throat. Blinds the camera, and if you're good, also the photographer. For a celebrity like yourself, you need to get practiced in this sort of tomfoolery, and certainly need to understand basic lighting. Do not hit anyone with the flashlight, however. That's a misdemeanor.

Smearing lentils also works. Not on yourself. Go for the hair.



This is terrific advice! As

This is terrific advice! As it happens, I do have in my possession two flashlights. Unfortunately for me, I don't have the manual dexterity to turn either of them on. But I do love them and would really relish any opportunity to shine a light, well, anywhere. Do you think I could get one of the photographers to turn them on for me?