07 Jul

Down with OPP

Stolen Asparagus












While The Chef has made me a wide variety of tasty foods. I think I can say with some confidence that the best food I have encountered recently is Other Peoples' Phood.* Whether it is fruit being eaten by my In-House Entertainer, chips or cookies being eaten by my older colleagues (a.k.a. cousins) , or anything at all on The Chef's dinner plate, I have learned that other peoples'  meals and snacks are highly likely to offer new taste adventures.

How do I go about acquiring such food? Dear Readers, for those of you who are my colleagues (i.e. born in the last year or so.) I recommend the following methods:

  • Make a high-pitched noise while gesturing towards the food. This is a great way to use your new pointing skills, while fine-tuning your ability to make action-inducing noises. You will find this combination of sound and pointing will work well in a number of venues, so it bears perfecting.
  • If this first method isn't immediately successful, move to a more susceptible member of your staff (perhaps a grandparent) and try again.
  • Just take it. Use your new-found manual dexterity to just snatch thefood off of a plate or counter. You can usually get it into your mouth before your staff can get to it. They are older and their reflexes are slow.

* The Chef notes that I might be a tad too young (in a number of ways) to make this particular pop culture reference (or any pop culture reference, really.) The "Phood" might also be a stretch. Oh well.

05 Jul

Not All Food Is Soft



Dear Readers, I am not sure if you are aware of this: but some food is a little bit sharp. While I find this chip to be quite tasty, I am not sure I wouldn't like it better if it were just a tad softer.

The Chef says I can soften it up a bit by myself once I have some back teeth. In the meantime, she suggests I steer clear of "pointy" food. 

24 Jun

The Tiny Diner Summer Vacation Snack Recommendation



Some of you might be looking for something to eat this summer. The Tiny Diner has a recommendation: Refrigerated Red or Green Grapes or, as I like to call them, "Globes of Joy."

I have been on the road this past week, first at my Summer Home and then in a Really Hot Place.  In both places, I have asked the Chef emphatically for Globes of Joy, and they have helped me keep my cool during some hot days.

You might be wondering how I ask for them. Do I speak? While Globes of Joy are top notch, I would not deign to speak for such a minor request. Instead I point and make my "I want" sound emphatically, all while leaning towards the Globes of Joy.

The Chef has a preparation I particularly like. Each Globe is sectioned in half, and then each half is then divided into 6 pieces.

I have had 12 Globes of Joy today.


19 Jun


Here is my Cookie




I don't have a lot of experience with cookies, but I can tell you (for future reference) this cookie is an ideal cookie size.

How did I come to possess such a tremendous cookie?

Dear Readers, I have traveled this week to my summer home (a.k.a. Grandmama's house) and while I was there I was given this fantastic handmade "teething cookie" by an family friend (M.A.).

She is someone who is clearly an expert cookiemaker. 

This good cookie is, I think, bigger than my head. I am told that many cookies are smaller than this, although for the life of me I cannot imagine why anyone would choose to make a smaller cookie.

I promptly decided I must sample this cookie. As you can see in the picture below, this cookie has the perfect "crumb"  and has a certain "melt in your mouth and all over your face" quality that makes it a standout.

Cookie is GOOD

After this experience I am convinced that everyone should have access to and be able to enjoy large cookies.

This post is dedicated to my Chauffeur. I am told it is "Super Chauffeur Day" or somesuch thing.

10 Jun




See this happy picture of me? This was taken shortly after my In-House Entertainer (a.k.a. my Aunt) gave me some delicious new food! She said it was called "Chocolate."  

The Chef was on her phone at the time, so I wasn't immediately able to discuss with her why she had been withholding this fantastic foodstuff. 

At first I thought maybe it was because she was unfamiliar with chocolate. What other reason would there be for keeping it from me? Isn't she supposed to be providing me with the best food?

Later, upon reflection, I can remember incidences where she has been eating something and not sharing. I recollect a smell on her breath I can now positively identify as the distinctive cocoa aroma of this heavenly substance.

What is the result of this incident? Well, I am considering promoting my In-House Entertainer, and demoting The Chef. 

07 Jun

Puffs: My Review



Lately I have been eating some food called "Puffs". For those of you who are not babies (and I am guessing very few of you Dear Readers are) Puffs are basically air surrounded by some sort of crunchy, round, not-very-flavorful substance, usually with hole in the middle. According to The Chef, they have several benefits:

-I will not choke on them (as mentioned earlier, they are already mostly air)

-I am told they will help me with my "fine motor skills" 

-The Chef says they "entertain" me (I think she is overstating this a bit)

When I first encountered Puffs, I was actually somewhat irritated. First of all, I was asked to feed them to myself. Secondly, because I like to moisturize my hands with a liberal amount of drool, the Puffs tended to stick to my hands, making them nearly impossible to get into my mouth.

However, now that I have four months of eating experience behind me, I am finding that they really are quite lovely. Although they lack flavor, there is a certain sense of accomplishment to be had from the mere act of successfully eating them. I am told that this is what lobster is like, too.

30 May

Another Post about Non-Food

Not Food!


I need to follow up on my post about Food vs. Non-Food since The Chef has made it even more difficult for me to tell the difference. She says they sometimes sell Non-Food at the Supermarket!

As an example, the picture at right shows a colleague (from Food in the Kitchen) showing me the ingredient list for something that I imagine are called Baby Meat Sticks (I can't read, so this might not be the exact name.)

The Chef feels strongly that these fall into the Non-Food category. But they are in a jar, just like some food I do eat. This is really quite confusing.


Dear Readers, how do you decide if something is food?

25 May

Undignified Dining

Me, in my Feeding Pen


The Chef says that until I can learn some "manners," I need to eat my snack in  an environment that is crumb-friendly. These locations include: outside, in my highchair, and in this plastic container.

Dear Readers, have you ever seen anything so undignified? So what if I generate a few thousand crumbs per snack time? Isn't this why I maintain an extensive staff?

I think they are just getting lazy and trying to spend more time on their frivolous leisure pursuits, like showering and laundry.

22 May

Forbidden Legume

Me and my PB


There is a long list of things The Chef won't prepare for me to eat or drink. These include things like shellfish, honey, tomatoes, cow's milk, red wine, etc. The reasons for the prohibitions are varied.

Breaking with The Chef's "No Eat" list, The Chef and my Chauffeur gave me one of these forbidden foods the this past week: peanut butter

How was it? Well, it was certainly tasty. But I was expecting something more... trippy? I mean, I felt exactly the same after eating as I did before. What's the big deal?

Is bourbon going to be an equally underwhelming experience?


19 May

Watermelon: My Review



I had my first watermelon on Sunday. There were a few great things about it. The taste was excellent, and sweet. It was easy to grip. But what I really liked about it was biting it.

Dear Readers, I have not updated you, but I have 6 new teeth coming in.  When my teeth have finished coming in, I will have 4 on top and 4 on the bottom. Now if you harken back to my earlier illustration, you will see this means total biting domination!