14 May

Food vs. Non-Food

Is it Food?

 

 

So, The Chef says I am becoming a really skilled eater. But she says I have a "discernment" issue. She says I sometimes try to eat things that are "not food." 

What I would like to know is, how am I supposed to be sure?

Take this lovely blade of grass. The Chef tries to have something green on the menu each day. She likes to "eat local". She has also been a fan of "Baby Led Weaning", where I am supposed to feed myself. I figure that by harvesting and eating this grass, I am fulfilling all of The Chef's hopes at once.

Instead of applauding my proactive behavior, The Chef makes shriek-y noises and takes my grass away. Hmph.

11 May

Celebrity Chef Food

Celebrity Chef Food

 

Occasionally, I eat food made by a "Celebrity Chef."  This food comes in a little foil packet and is made by someone The Chef says is quite famous in some Chef circles, Tyler Florence.

So far I have tried five Celebrity foods:

  • Peaches and Brown Rice Pudding: Delicious! I love the spices, consistency, the whole thing is great. I see why this guy is a Celebrity.
  • Roasted Pears: Again, brilliant!
  • Yukon Gold Potatoes with Parmesen Cheese: I was looking forward to this because The Chef makes a big deal about Cheese. But I think I don't like Potato texture. And it was a weirdly shaped dish, too, taking on the dimensions and form of the foil packet. I spit it out.
  • Butternut Squash: The Chef pointed out to me that previously to this, all of the Butternut Squash I have enjoyed is from this single Butternut Squash, so I was eager to try a different squash. This one was tasty, but in a different way. The Chef said it strangely tasted more like pumpkin.
  • Baked Sweet Potatoes and White Beans (pictured) This was pretty good, but not as good as The Chef's. Take a look at that picture on the front of the package, though. Don't those look more like Yams than Sweet Potatoes? Maybe Celebrity Sweet Potatoes are more orange.

Another thing that has come to my attention as a result of all of this: my Chef is not a celebrity. I am considering replacing her with someone cooler.

05 May

My Drinking Problem

Me, Drinking

The other day, The Chef announced she was staging an "intervention."

Now if you have been reading my journal from the beginning, you know that I didn't find taking MF in a bottle (Take-Out Style) to be to my taste. I am a bit of a snob this way, but I really feel that service should have a "personal touch" and bottlefeeding just wasn't for me. 

Now that I am eating solids, The Chef had been providing me with a bottle filled with water every day. I found it was delightful to chew on. The cool water dripped on my chin, and the nipple is quite good for calming my sore gums. But drink out of it? No way. Well, I did once, but only because I was bored, and it seemed to be a good way to get everyone's attention.

I have also been provided with a sippy cup on more than one occasion. I like to hold it, but up-ending it so that the water reaches my lips is really too much bother. I have other more important skills to master, like crawling.

Now I don't necessarily see all of this as a problem. I think that I should just be allowed to sip water out of other people's cups whenever I ask for it, which I sometimes do every few minutes throughout any meal. I also like to lunge for people's glasses, sometimes spilling water all over them. 

Also, the Chef's intevention was a tad premature. She has admitted that she still doesn't know of any way to rehabilitate me.

01 May

Biting Disappointment

 

My two teeth

I have been long anticipating the arrival of new teeth so that I can "upgrade" my dining skills. The Chef has informed me that with additional teeth, I can move from my current mode of eating, which involves "gumming" and "gnawing", to a more advanced maneuver known as "biting."

The Chef isn't personally that excited by "biting" (for her own personal reasons, which remain unfathomable) but I have been looking forward to "biting" for sometime.

So it was with great delight that I learned of the arrival of a new tooth yesterday.

"Finally my "biting" can commence!" I thought. 

But, alas, apparently my teeth are gearing up for "enhanced gnawing" rather than biting. I refer you to the illustration below, so that you can share my keen disappointment. 

tooth situation

 

27 Apr

The Tiny Diner Seder

 

Last week I had my first Seder dinner. Dressed in my best shirt and pants, I was ready for some fine dining. And, what did I get to eat? Bupkis.

It seems that I am not "eligible" to eat many of the delights of Passover.  The Chef seemed to have an objection to my eating every dish.

Charoset? "Babies can't eat honey."

Brisket? "You are a vegetarian."

Karpas? "You don't have enough teeth."

Maror? "You will not like horseradish." Hmph.

So I put on a button-up shirt for this large cracker? Really?

23 Apr

Unprepared Prunes: My Review

Plum!

 

Over the last few days, I have had the pleasure of having some Unprepared Prunes, otherwise known as "Plums". On both occasions, this fruit was served in a circular shape, and I was encouraged to gouge bits of it off with my two razor-sharp teeth. This is much the same serving method as dishes such as Pears Al Dente or Deconstructed Applesauce

The plum itself was delicious. I was really able to get to quite a lot of it quickly given that it was softer than the two dishes I mentioned previously. The smooth skin serves as a perfect substrate to hold onto the uneaten plum, creating really very little mess. I would recommend Unprepared Prunes as a charming addition to any meal.

So, you may ask yourself, if I liked the dish so much, why do I look so concerned in this picture? Dear Reader, I discern in this dish a troubling trend: the expection that I will feed myself.

While eating this dish, my Personal Server (who also happens to be The Chef) was eating, rather than attending to any of my needs. I think The Chef's introduction of such dishes as Unprepared Prunes is an unwelcomed bellwether. If I really wanted to feed myself, would I have such an extensive staff?

 

17 Apr

The Tiny Diner Work Out Plan

Working Out

You may have been asking yourself, how does the Tiny Diner stay in such good shape while having a personal chef attending to all of his food needs? How does he manage to stay so lithe while still eating 10 or so meals per day?

Let me introduce you to my special work out plan:

The Tiny Diner Ab Maneuver #1: Lie flat on your back (ideally, have someone put you there.) Try to reach the person who put you on your back. Strain your neck, lift your arms, and make sure you get your head and feet at least 2-3 inches off the ground.

The Tiny Diner Ab Maneuver #2: Very similar to Maneuver #1, but try it from your carseat and stroller, or anything with upper body restraints. Strain against the straps as if your life depended on it. Arch your back and lift your legs. 

The Upper Body Lunge: Have someone carry you around in a forward-facing baby carrier (Bjorn or similar). Lunge towards everything and anything that looks interesting. (Note: this may also have exercise benefits for the person carrying you as they counteract your forceful lunge.)

The Plank and Roll: Whenever you are moved onto your tummy against your will (due to the horrors of "Tummy Time") do a side plank and then use all of your strength to roll onto your back. Try not to rely on the weight of your oversized head to roll you over. Instead, focus on your arms and abs.

Perform each of these moves several times a day and I guarantee that you too will be in the 15th percentile in weight for your age in no time!

10 Apr

Tasty Toes?

 

 

So this morning The Chef was nibbling on my toes. I will admit she has done this before, and I always thought it was kind of cute. After all, I nibble on my toes too. They are really attractive and somewhat irrestible.

However, now that I have noticed that The Chef also eats food, I admit to feeling some trepidation when she puts my toes in her mouth. Does she, perhaps, really mean to eat them? Is this "food" experiment she has me on more than it seems? Does she hope to fatten me (and my toes) up for some future purpose? 

05 Apr

Eggs: My Review

Egg!

My personal entertainer (a.k.a. Aunt L) made me a "Hard-Boiled Egg Yolk" for breakfast the other morning. The Chef gave the whole thing to me without warning me about how crumbly it was going to be! In a matter of moments, I had the entire thing scattered into a thin layer on my dining table. While there were certain aesthetic advantages to this,  I had a nearly impossible time getting any of into my mouth. I think this proves that The Chef needs to think more about the "plating" for each dish, particularly for these items where she expects me to take part in the actual "feeding" part of the meal.

As for the egg itself? Well, it was basically edible, but a bit boring after the first few bites. I think maybe this would be a better appetizer than a main course.

This review is dedicated to my new colleague, P.F.I. who was born last Saturday.

02 Apr

March Food Round Up: Solids Extravaganza

Blueberry Applesauce Day

 

With the experience of February behind me, I decided it was time to "bust out" in March. Since I traveled a lot in March, a little more of my food was purchased by The Chef, rather than prepared (as is indicated below). 

Peas: Quite good! 

Pears Al Dente: Fantastic! Read my detailed review here.

Applesauce with Greek Yogurt: Bleh. I gave up being a Vegan for this? 

Blueberry Applesauce: Not bad. 

Apples and Apricots (jar): Delicious.

Pears and Raspberries (jar): Also, quite delicious. Basically, I am OK with nearly anything that contains Apples.

Cauliflower: Read my concise review here.

Butternut Squash and Corn (jar): As with all variants of Butternut Squash, it is good eating.

Green Beans (redux): The Chef has finally nailed this dish. Apparently the level to which the green beans are cooked doesn't meet with her personal preferences, but the textural improvements are hard to overstate.

Prunes, and also Prunes with Greek Yogurt: Nothing special. And the prunes didn't really help me "acquire" a taste for yogurt.

Vanilla Teething Biscuits: This dish is both great, but also a tad frustrating. The deliciousness of the biscuit doesn't really kick in until a few minutes into the eating experience. More instant gratification here would be appreciated. Also, I get the sense these are being used to keep me busy...

Blood Orange Soda (unsanctioned foodstuff, provided by the Chauffeur): Bubbly! Weird!

Roasted Yams with Olive Oil: Delightful!

Tomatos and Carrots (jar): Excellent. This combined all of the goodness of carrots with a certain "je ne sais quoi".*

By far my favorite dishes from this month are Deconstructed Apple Sauce (which consists of Apple prepared in the manner of Pears Al Dente) and The Chef's Morning Yogurt (other people's food tastes so much better!)

*Seriously, I don't know. What is a tomato?